Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Some thoughts from my journaling last night

Well i just thought i'd put down on here a few things i wrote in my journal last night. I'm struggling with the fact that people say to me often 'oh you're doing really well', and i should take it well, and it is a compliment, i just find it hard 'cause they don't see what i feel inside. this writing kind of reflects that.

Do they see the pain i feel?
Do they see my hurt?
They dont' see the tears i cry.
Or the lessons that have to be learnt.

I put on a mask to get out of bed
I put on a mask to walk out the door
I put on a mask so as not to show the pain
People would be scared to know what is beyond the mask, the shore.

The pain stabs like a sharp knife in your heart
You have to remember to breathe in and out.
The thoughts come so fast you don't know where to start.

They say "oh you are doing so well"
I guess they are fooled by what they see.
I'm good at putting on a show.
But sometimes i wish they'd take the time to really see me.

I hurt like never before
I've forgotten how to function each day.
I've forgotten how to live, or even what life is.
There is just so much that i don't say.

What would they do if i opened up my heart?
What would they do if i let all teh tears flow?
Would they run away in fear of the site?
Or would they take the time to let the real me show?

That's all i have for now, but i'm always writing down thoughts, sometimes they come to me like poetry, similar to this.

Sunday, September 20, 2009

The first blog..

I decided i needed a place i could just write. My life is all changed now, it will never be the same again. I need a spot where i can write the thoughts that come into my head, and let's make it known there are ALOT of those. On August 22nd, 2009 my worst nightmare was realised. I lost Michael, the love of my life, my future husband and my best friend. I don't know how to live without him, everything I once knew is gone. My thoughts and emotions come and go in big waves, like an ocean, I might as well have somewhere to put these down...